Where I am supposed to be!!!

I was on an emotional roller-coaster for the last 16mths. How did I get there? Why did I allow

myself to be deceived by the lying tongue?

What was happening with my life? What happened to all that I have stood for? What was happening to my spiritual life, my marriage? Why did my baby have to die? I thought I had everything under control, I thought things were going great.

Was I just blinded that I could not see? Or was I too weak that I could not stand against the whiles of the evil one? Is it that I lacked the knowledge and understanding to see that I was in trouble and to seek out the help I needed?

Looking back now I can see that although I thought I was alone my God was there for me. He shielded me from the fiery darts of the enemy and from walking into the Lion's mouth.

Although I was rebellious, Jesus protected me from things unseen.

BUT his hands were stayed in certain areas of my life because I had to open up and let him in. I had to surrender all to him for him to fight all my battles for me. His arms were out stretched waiting for me to run into his protective embrace like a mother hen's wings covers her brood.

So I did it, I surrendered all to him. I left it at the foot of the cross.

Within one week I started to see. I started to get my senses back. I was able to see why I fell in love with that wonderful man God placed in my life 8yrs ago. I was able to see all my other blessings and thanked God for everything he has blessed me with and not cry over what I did not have.

I started to love my husband again. My attitude towards him and us was changed. I started to understand his actions and not misjudge him and our marriage began to flourish again.

I started to thank God for my son and daughter and stop wondering why my baby had to die. The truth is he knows best and sometimes we too can not see or understand God's mercy.

Each passing day spent with my family means more and more to me. Butterfly kisses and teddy-bear hugs from the greatest loves of my life (except for Jesus) are like no other (priceless).

Oh and my sweet Jesus, my Saviour, Deliverer, Redeemer. I have been so unfaithful, ungrateful and a shame to you. Yet you have been there for me. Yet you protected me. Yet you extended your hand of mercy towards me. Yet you carried me. For this I am forever grateful. For this I love you even more. For this I stand in owe of you. I thank you Lord. I pray by your grace, strength and mercies that I never fall from your grace again BUT be pleasing unto you and stand blame-less before you.

This is where I am supposed to be.